Sweet Nothings

Pretty Enough For You?

Just This

There’s something incredibly intimate about sitting in a room with a friend and having nothing but silence between you. Not next to or across from them, not even doing the same thing but just a comfortable independence in each other’s presence.

Some of my best memories are just this.

On Stage

She works at Guitar Center with the black shirt and the ID lanyard. She smiles to welcome the customers and to set them at ease. Her job is grueling but tolerable and she makes do with this daily deck of cards. She gathers her life within her and accumulates a wealth of emotion.

He works at The Apple Store with the blue shirt and the high-tech machines. He’s naturally quiet but talks because he has to. He takes the phylacteries of men and makes sure they keep running. He gathers his time and compresses it into a shape that he hopes to show the world.

On Stage

She releases her life into the air. Bent forward over her keyboard, eyes closed, voice resounding, and each word is filled to the brim with the meaning of her design. She shares herself with the crowd and they are glad to partake in something so personal that they can only sway and nod and know that this means something for them as well. 

He untangles the gears and wires within him and moves to the vibrations that pulse around him. Fingers arrayed on one hand and strumming on the other; he is alive and made of flesh tonight. 

The Last Time I Left Here

I don’t remember feeling this trepidation the last time I left here. A big part is probably that I had a lot of time the last time I left and now there are only a few months left before I’ll have to come back. A final interview for employment is coming up and it feels like so much hinges on it that I’m scared to go back. I always have to remind myself not to be ruled by fear. 

Hopefully it goes well, and I can move on from there. Having a work place two blocks from my home will be incredibly convenient. Just gotta remember to use my car every once in a while so I don’t come upon it’s dead corpse when I finally need it. 

A lot has changed, people and circumstances. But life goes on, everyone will find their own way. Including myself.

The Last Time I Was Here

The last time I was here, I held three thousand dollars in my hands. The world counted every bill to me, one at a time, in the form of the people I loved as they laughed and sang and drank and played and laughed and I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful song than the slow syllables of the numbers.

The last time I was here, I was setting sail into the horizon and the climb before me was doomed against my arrival. My sails billowed in the heavy gusts of my confidence and the currents seemed to sweep me towards the mountain before me with no care that I may crash on the shore. 

The last time I was here, I held the hand of a princess, it’s true! I swear it! And she looked at me with eyes that made me a proud warrior upon the plains, a grand wizard upon his tower, a noble king upon my throne. We danced a ballroom dance and weaved magic that lit up the night and foresaw no ending just as do the characters in a fantasy novel.

The last time I was here, there was no ache, no break, no future to make. We were as infinite as time itself and we were a Pantheon, ready to play with the mortals below the clouds. We heaved lightning bolts with whispers and created miracles with no effort at all. 

Here.

Taboo

Let me remember college as tonight

as laughter and alcohol

as burgers and games.

as friends that wish we had been closer

as happiness.

The Eulogy I Should’ve Given

My Uncle spoke of how my Grandma was fighting for much of her life. Fighting through the 2nd World War in China, and fighting to take care of a family in the US. My first memories of Nai Nai involve her fighting as well. Fighting to do my laundry, fighting to clean my dishes, and fighting to spoil me to the frustration of my parents. Being the first born male in my generation, I received a certain degree of favoritism that my sisters did not benefit from.

All my memories of Nai Nai involve her giving nature. When I still lived in Shanghai and only visited Virginia in the summers, Nai Nai would always be giving me these thin crackers with almond slices in them that I couldn’t get enough of. When my dad peeled my shrimp during dinner by putting them in his mouth and peeling them with his teeth in an unsanitary way that made me not want to eat the shrimp anymore, my grandma was there to give me shrimp peeled the right way. Years later she would start giving us these hard candies that I still enjoy to this day. And as I got older, she would start trying to sneak money into my hand and pockets to fund my unhealthy Pokemon Card addiction. 

Whenever my friends came over, I could always expect her to offer us sweets as we went about our activities and many of my friends also associate my grandma with how she was always trying to give. It is something found too rarely today, someone that can give so much without asking for anything in return and Nai Nai was just that.

There was a time when my sisters and I would shout Nai Nai over and over again when we knew she was around. I am sad to say that I do not remember when that ended. I believe every person dies twice. Once when their heart stops beating and again the last time they are thought of in the mortal world. With these fond memories of my grandma that everyone here possesses, I know that Nai Nai still has a long life ahead of her.

Doodles from Sunny :D

If we could float away
fly up to the surface and just start again
and lift off before trouble
just erodes us in the rain

Slow it down

—Us Against The World - Coldplay

I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most

So I think it’s time for us to have a toast.

Let’s have a toast for the douchebags

Let’s have a toast for the assholes

Let’s have a toast for the scumbags, everyone one of them that I know

Let’s have a toast for the jerkoffs, that never take work off.

Baby I got a plan

Runaway fast as you can