Sweet Nothings

Taboo

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 02:16:29 -0400

Let me remember college as tonight

as laughter and alcohol

as burgers and games.

as friends that wish we had been closer

as happiness.

The Eulogy I Should've Given

Mon, 27 Feb 2012 23:32:00 -0500

My Uncle spoke of how my Grandma was fighting for much of her life. Fighting through the 2nd World War in China, and fighting to take care of a family in the US. My first memories of Nai Nai involve her fighting as well. Fighting to do my laundry, fighting to clean my dishes, and fighting to spoil me to the frustration of my parents. Being the first born male in my generation, I received a certain degree of favoritism that my sisters did not benefit from.

All my memories of Nai Nai involve her giving nature. When I still lived in Shanghai and only visited Virginia in the summers, Nai Nai would always be giving me these thin crackers with almond slices in them that I couldn’t get enough of. When my dad peeled my shrimp during dinner by putting them in his mouth and peeling them with his teeth in an unsanitary way that made me not want to eat the shrimp anymore, my grandma was there to give me shrimp peeled the right way. Years later she would start giving us these hard candies that I still enjoy to this day. And as I got older, she would start trying to sneak money into my hand and pockets to fund my unhealthy Pokemon Card addiction.

Whenever my friends came over, I could always expect her to offer us sweets as we went about our activities and many of my friends also associate my grandma with how she was always trying to give. It is something found too rarely today, someone that can give so much without asking for anything in return and Nai Nai was just that.

There was a time when my sisters and I would shout Nai Nai over and over again when we knew she was around. I am sad to say that I do not remember when that ended. I believe every person dies twice. Once when their heart stops beating and again the last time they are thought of in the mortal world. With these fond memories of my grandma that everyone here possesses, I know that Nai Nai still has a long life ahead of her.

Doodles from Sunny :D

Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:51:34 -0500

my favorite one, muah!

grouchy Sunny burrito

I'm thankful for you in my life

:D

can't draw sitting dress hahaha

one day...

the red string of fate

Doodles from Sunny :D

"If we could float away fly up to the surface and just start again and lift off before trouble just..."

Sun, 30 Oct 2011 14:11:00 -0400

“

If we could float away
fly up to the surface and just start again
and lift off before trouble
just erodes us in the rain

Slow it down

”

- Us Against The World - Coldplay

Bring Walls Down

Mon, 02 May 2011 09:51:09 -0400

Hear all my sound.

Let me back in.

Love me again.

I'm so gifted at finding what I don't like the most

Tue, 19 Apr 2011 08:27:18 -0400

So I think it’s time for us to have a toast.

Let’s have a toast for the douchebags

Let’s have a toast for the assholes

Let’s have a toast for the scumbags, everyone one of them that I know

Let’s have a toast for the jerkoffs, that never take work off.

Baby I got a plan

Runaway fast as you can

That Feeling

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 06:02:00 -0500

That feeling of what it’s like to be loved and in love.

That feeling taken for granted, leaving a hole when gone is greater than any spear could impale in my soul. Is soul too strong a word? I cannot figure out exactly where it hurts, it could be my mind to remember that presence and longing or my eyes to close and see her again. My hands to have not touched for so long or my lips to have not kissed.

That feeling of overdramatization that I now put into writing for how close I am to exploding in desperation irrational. To sicken the ones that live behind scarlet veils so sure of their scope for reality.

The bar could be lower, it always can so perhaps I hurt as much as everyone else does all the time. To the egoist I am the same and weak to complain but to myself I have nowhere else to go but to art and this written zone that I hope no one ever reads and connects to me. This is my companion now that I can no longer trust the empathy of others that I speak to.

They move on, because they are better? Because they have the opportunity to? Wasn’t this what I was supposed to become why I changed to be this way and am no longer appreciated by the one I changed for. I became someone that doesn’t let the mind do its job, unable to forget, cursed and blessed with an appreciation for what I destroyed in the first place. Can someone understand what it’s like when they can let love right back in to fill the void no matter what its hue and complexion, I continue searching for it… that compassion, that jaded feeling that I cannot acquire.

Is it even possible, this masochism beckons me to answer it with something obsessive that I just can’t find half for lack of looking and half for unwillingness to try. Are they the same? One I would think I could control while the other has become me. How do I move on when the mentality that I strived so hard for was one that would be steadfast and strong?

Am I to be Gatsby walking circles around my growing flower until when it finally reaches far enough to touch me it is different from what it looked like when I first looked upon it. When it first held my hand. Held me. Laughed. Cried. Shook and died.

In love with something long gone. Like a dead lover, impossible to forget and not even the kind that would’ve wished you a fond future. One that would have cursed your name, one that erases your memories or holds them in a box for times of tears and those damn boxes. I am a box. Writing to you now.

To talk would be to welcome the scorn of someone that doesn’t even care anymore and the ridicule of the sufferers that write the same lines and the same bad punctuation. We all suffer together but the light out is lost to me and I can only whisper to myself and seek little pleasures while the bar comes back down only to be buffeted back to the summit by my refreshed memories every time I see her name.

Don’t scoff too hard for I am just a young man and have yet to know what true suffering is. My perspective is painful but I know you won’t judge this quiet insanity. Will you?

2194604th Day of Creation

Sun, 15 Aug 2010 13:17:00 -0400

I think I’ll go down into the world and see what my creations are up to.